before then, i was ashamed that my parents had to work 12 hours a day - 7 days a week. i was ashamed my mom and dad didn't speak english. i was ashamed of being buddhist. i was ashamed that i couldn't have friends over at my house. i was ashamed i always had to wear hand me downs.
i was ashamed my parents were refugees from laos.
since the summer of 2003, i have been on a continuous journey to convert all the shame of the first 17 years of my life into pride and into hope.
however, conversations that i've heard recently have somewhat overturned this by telling me that this is invalid. that this is exclusive. that this is wrong.
who am i to say who belongs to a community and who doesn't.
well, when you grew up feeling constantly inadequate, inferior, and never belonging to any community . . i think this is the one time i want to comfortably say, "no, my family and i earned this. This is OUR time to shine." or it was supposed to be.
This was supposed to be the first and only time that my grandmother will look around and not feel crappy for working in a sweatshop in her fifties and sixties. this was supposed to be the first time my parents could say, "yes, we worked in an electronics factory for $3.25/hour and barely speak english . . but put all three of our children through college." this was supposed to be the first time i could show my brother and sister that i grew up to be a mentor to other students just the say they mentored me while growing up.
this was supposed to be.
but it's not going to be.
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