isn't it pretty to think . . all transitions could have clear cut signals for the end of something old . . or at least the beginning of something new.
. . kind of like daffodils.
i've always loved daffodils, ever since watching the old version of charlie and the the chocolate factory. the scene where they're in the garden and willy sits down on some mushroom or something, picks a daffodil, drinks from it like a tea cup, and then bites off a piece of it.
ever since then, i was in love with those gorgeous yellow flowers.
however, my appreciation of them has deepened even more since moving to the east coast. not only have i discovered that they come in multiple shades of whites, yellows, and oranges . . but they also come in all sorts of sizes.
while the various types of daffodils has definitely been a plus, there's a far greater reason why i've gotten even more fond of them. a few days ago, the daffodils in the district bloomed . . signaling the end of winter and the beginning of spring. this means, i could put some of my coats away, i could start bringing out my skirts and tank tops, and soon i will be able to run outside, sit out at the mall, read on my porch . . and all the wonderful things i haven't been able to do since the fall.
i wish every end and beginning could have a signal so simple and so sweet.
like relationships. i wish relationships could have a signal for an end or at least as signal for a beginning like the blooming of a daffodil.
a few months ago, i was talking to a friend about vagueness when it comes to relationships. she couldn't stand them. she said that she needed to immediately DTR -- determine the relationship. she needed to sit down and talk to the person. ask them if this was casual. ask them if there was a future. ask them if they liked her. ask them if they were sleeping with other people. ask them this and ask them that.
i told her i was the complete opposite. i enjoyed vagueness . . it let me enjoy things as they went without all the complications of over thinking and over analyzing. it let me dream up the best case scenarios. it let me imagine that this wasn't casual. that there might be a future. that they did like me. that we were being monogamous . . all the great things that could come from new and exciting relationships.
she mentioned that she wasn't surprised. she thought i was a relatively optimistic person . . i always carried myself in a way where i COULD make things the best case scenario . . and even in the worst case scenarios, i got myself to find something good about it. then i would go and focus just on that one piece of "good" and ignore all the other not so good parts.
of course thats what i did; it's my defense mechanism.
of course i would dream up the best case scenarios; it's what keeps me going.
unlike me, my friend wasn't like that. instead, she would conjure up the worst case scenario. in her mind, she would think . . this was just casual. there was no future. he didn't like her. he was sleeping with other people . . and the list would go on.
maybe she's right. maybe DTR is the way to go. maybe worst case scenarios are the way to go.
but then again, even the most simple and sweet signals could be wrong. even clear communication, even DTR, even good life choices . . could be wrong.
a few days ago the daffodils bloomed to signal the end of winter and beginning of spring.
today, i woke up to some hard rain outside my window, cold, alone, and wondering if i really even fell asleep. the low was 30 degrees and i wished i didn't start putting my coats away. in fact, i wished i wore one when i finally stepped outside of my house.
