questions in thai

today i was walking to class and this thai girl came up to me and asked me for directions to the english learning building. in thai. AND i answered in THAI!

whoo hoo.

i guess uniform makes all the difference here.

i might be coming home.

Dear Antonette Escarsega,

Hi, my name is Monica and I am a undergraduate student at the University of California, Berkeley who is currently studying at Thammasat University here in Thailand.

I was originally staying only for the fall semester but decided to extend for an additional semester. At the time that I extended, I was unaware that my financial aid package for the second semester would be drastically lower than my first semester’s financial aid package (almost half).

I was confused about this and have contacted the EAP financial aid advisor at the Berkeley campus, Michael Mathews, and he explained to me what had happened. To my understanding, since I was planning to study in Thailand for just the fall semester, I received more than half of my funds available funds in the fall semester. Then when it came time for the spring, I did not have the same funds left in my year budget in Thailand and was only award what was left (which was much less than what I received the first semester).

Mr. Mathews said that he did not have the ability to increase my budget and he was bound to only grant as much as the budget is outline online. However, he did say that you might be able to help me if I contacted you.

I understand that it is my fault for assuming that I would be receiving the same amount of funds in the spring as I had received in the fall but was wondering if anything can be done to increase my spring budget. I was offered only $4,601.50 (not including my unsubsidized loans) and after the Tuition fees and medical fees, I will only be left with $957.50 for living expenses for the entire semester. Although Thailand is relatively cheaper than the United States (and many places in the world), it will be nearly impossible for me to survive on that amount of money. If I do not receive the needed amount of funds to get me through the semester here in Thailand, I will be forced to fly back to the United States and take the semester off completely.

Any kind of help and advice would be greatly appreciated and I’m hoping to hear from you soon.

- Monica

12 / Jan - 15 / Jan: Singapore

If any city could have characterized me pre-Bangkok or maybe even pre-college, it would probably be Singapore.

From it’s no curfews, expensive booze, gross photos on all the cigarette cases, cleanliness, hundreds of signs everywhere, Singapore (not considering the ending) was great.

It was wonderful change to Bangkok. Actually I guess it was kind of like being in the states but better.

I like how Lonely Planet put it. Anyone from the west will come to Singapore, look at the wonderful-ness of it all and think, “wow, maybe political freedom is just a small price for all of this.

holding hands.

I was rushing to my Rural Development class today and all of a sudden, I ran into something. I looked down and found there was a tote bag obstructing my way. These two Thai girls were helping each other hold it by each taking one handle.

I don’t understand.

Was the tote bag that heavy? Was it necessary to have two people carry the maybe two books in that one tote bag? Why couldn’t one person just carry it. Or if it was too heavy, why couldn’t they take the books out and each take one.

I guess it’s kind of like how Thai girls always walk around holding hands too. Or how each girl carries two bags: a cute purse and a tote bag that they carry their books in. What the heck. Why don’t they just carry one bag with everything in it?

OH YEAH. Big bags aren’t “cute.”

Some things in Thailand I will never understand. Maybe it’s because I’m American. Sometimes I wonder, is this what my mom wants me to be like? She always complains that I’m not feminine enough or whatever. Wait until she sees my legs. HA. Two huge motorbike burns and a infinite amount of scars from mosquito bites.

an update email

Dear Amorette,

It's been way too long. I apologize for not replying earlier. You were the first person to reply back to me and your email really really helped me. I'm actually just starting my second week of the second semester here at Thammasat and it's been a little crazy. Kevin Lee came up to Thailand for two weeks and spent the holidays with me and when we came back from New Years down south on Koh Phangan, we were greeted with all this news about the pre-New Years Eve bombings. We were extremely glad that we weren't here in Bangkok for New Years.

I landed an internship at UNESCO's Human Trafficking Division right before I left for China after finals but when I got back, there were some complications with my application and all that. The person I'm supposed to be working with is on leave in the states and his secretary isn't the friendliest person in the world. I almost want to just saw screw UNESCO and just do my informal volunteering at the Foundation for Women, which is much smaller and has much more of a friendly community feel to it.

Anyway, when you were here, where did you travel to? Did you happen to make it up to see any family? I've gone up to Laos to visit my mother's older brother twice and right after finals I went up to China to visit a bunch of family. It was really eye opening. The Thai people call my ethnic group Tai Lue and the Chinese simply call us the Dai (which is the same as Tai) and we occupy the autonomous region in Xishuangbanna in the Yunnan Province in China. It was crazy. I was actually a majority there. In the main cities, everything is labeled in English, Chinese, and our own Dai script. I didn't even know we had a written language and I was seeing it all over the place.

While I've always been a bit obsessed with the Second Indochina War / Viet Nam War aspect of my family history, seeing a bunch of my relatives in China also introduced a part of my family history that I guess I've been neglecting: the Cultural Revolution.

Also, I was extremely surprised by how "Chinese" my cousins were. They're older than me so of course they already have children and stuff but I would almost say they're as Chinese as my siblings and I are "American." Like for example, when they're talking to each other, they speak Mandarin and when they speak to their parents they speak our own dialect of Tai Lue. It was weird. But extremely beautiful, nonetheless.

I encountered something interesting on the way out of Xishuangbanna though. I had to catch a flight back to Bangkok from Macau and spent a few days in "real" China. I met these Chinese women on a train back home to Shanghai or something and there were passing around pictures from their holiday. They also spent a week in Xishuangbanna in the ethnic minority villages. Watching them look through their pictures and talk about the wonderful things they experienced reminded me of how foreigners loved the "Hill Tribe Trekking" in Chiang Mai. Xishuangbanna is like Chiang Mai, a place of ethnic minorities, and the Tai Lue are like the Hmong, Mien, Akha, etc., extremely exotified. I guess it disgusts me because it's like the west is obsessed with going to Zoos to see different creatures and how they live. Except here in Asia, the Zoos are villages and the creatures are people.

ANYWAY. About your summer abroad program... I DEFINITELY recommend Bangkok. It's like the NGO-Heaven of Southeast Asia. All I did was search on google for Human Trafficking organizations in Bangkok and there was a bunch. The intern that I'm supposed to be taking over was a Human Rights Lawyer who went back to get her Masters degree after she already had her Law degree. I think theres something for everyone here. There's the big international UN thing. The American organizations with offices in Thailand. I think the most rewarding might be the NGOs run by the Thai people though and since you can understand some Thai, that could work.

It sounds like your experience at Columbia is great. Man. That would be my dream school. If only if only. The diversity is great, aye? It's kind of like that here in Thailand too. You're not only learning about Thai culture, but you're learning from all the other exchange students from Germany, Sweden, Norway, Australia, etc.

I become extremely race conscious when I'm traveling though. It seems the only mobile people in the world lack color and sometime I'm a bit self-conscious and wonder if any of them look at me while I'm diving in Koh Tao or wandering around Angkor Wat and think that I don’t belong there. I just got back from Singapore, which was all but great except that I lost my wallet at the airport. Luckily I had my passport on me but now I have no credit cards, ATM cards, or cash. But I guess that’s okay. Financial Aid still hasn't sent me any money. The whole loosing wallet thing made me incredibly homesick though. Bleh. Anyway, please let me know if you're coming here! I'd love to play tour guide again. I haven't booked my flight back yet but it will be sometime in early June. Please keep in touch and I promise it wont take me this long to reply again =) Take Care.

Love,

Monica

-----Original Message-----

From: Amorette

Sent: Wednesday, October 18, 2006 10:11 AM

To: Monica

Subject: Re: [GREETINGS FROM THAILAND]

Monica, darling!

I'm SOOO glad to hear from you. And you emailed me at such a great

time too when I can actually email people back! :) (I just finished

a midterm so my brain is in total chill-out mode for the rest of the

night...)

In any case, I absolutely SUPPORT your intuition of staying in

Thailand for one more semester. I totally feel like I was in your

shoes 3 years ago, except you're having WAAAY more fun than me. :) I

went through a lot of the same exact things, except you're actually

living out things that I wish I would've done like work at an NGO and

travel more! I also went through the whole thing about not really

being accepted as an American (I always got Japanese or Hong Kongnese,

especially when I got this fobby haircut there) and yet I was never

accepted as someone from the "homeland." Maybe that's why my time

there was kind of hard for me too - I thought I was going back to the

homeland, but it sort of just forsaked me. And at that time, the Thai

government was treating the Hmong refugees living at Wat Tham Krabok

like crap. Legislators in Thailand called us "social garbage" and

refused to allow the community to move into their districts... so

there was a lot going on emotionally and psychologically for me at

that time.

If I only had been as focused, energetic, and strong as you are, I

would've probably made more out of my trip there. I think that you

should TOTALLY take advantage of your opportunity to work at this

awesome NGO. No doubt. I totally know what you mean by feeling guilty

about not coming back, but to be honest... those organizations will

still be there and will still turn its wheels when you get back. This

experience in Thailand may never be the same again because you're not

bounded by ties (ie: commitments and major financial debt) and because

you have this thriving curiosity and energy right now. You also have

all these great resources at hand as a student protected by the UCs

and with health insurance (in case anything happens), etc. It's a

great time to be having the time of your life in another country! :)

It's never the same again in the future unless you move to Thailand

and work there.

Anyways, I'm just a big proponent of you staying another semester

because I think it will be a great all-around experience for you. If

the only thing holding you back is guilt about organizations awaiting

your leadership - don't let that stop you. Like I said, they'll be

fine. That's how it was when I got back from Thailand! They were

doing great things and SASC's membership had actually grown!

Thanks for the update though. I've been meaning to email you to find

out how you are! it's great to hear your'e having an awesome time. I

think about Thailand so much these days!

I am actually seriously considering spending my summer out there next

summer for my summer internship that's required in my program. In a

way, it's to make up for all that I missed out on 3 years ago and to

really develop some great work experience out there. I will forever

be in the states, so why not take advantage of a summer abroad while I

can in grad school? Also, I really want to brush up on my Thai. My

boyfriend is currently in his first year of law school, and he's also

really interested in going out to Asia somewhere (maybe and hopefully!

Bangkok) for some international or human rights law work. It would be

great to spend a summer in Bangkok together!

Maybe you can give me some ideas on internships in Bangkok - your NGOs

sounds so awesome too. How did you find such cool places to work? I'm

open. I'm currently looking at American non-profits based in Bangkok,

like the Rockefeller Foundation.

As for what's happening here in New York, I am currently in the middle

of midterms and it's CRAZY like no other midterms I've faced before in

my life! It's midterm hell for sure. It's busier now than it will be

around finals... and it's just a TON of work - nothing like at

Berkeley. i've got 6 classes total and they are keeping me busy busy

busy! it's sometimes a bunch of bullshit busy work... which we think

is lame.

On the upside, I LOVE it here in NYC and I really love my classmates.

We're having a lot of fun outside of classes! Everyone comes from such

amazing backgrounds and experiences and from all over the world. It's

totally normal here to hear multiple languages being spoken at the

same, even in discussion sections and stuff. Only in my program here

at SIPA am I immediately seen as American right away instead of Asian.

I'm referred to as "American" more so than "Asian American" because

there are so many Asian international students here and they can tell

right away that I'm American. But in general it's pretty diverse here

and everyone is so into learning about each other and having a good

time together. I love it!

Anyways, have a WONDERFUL time on your travels in Southeast Asia and

do be safe! I'm SOOO envious. :) Maybe we'll be in Southeast Asia

together at some point! Keep the updates coming and please tell Dr.

Thanet that I said HELLO! He's such a great adviser! :)

Love, Amorette

09 / January / 2007 -- 21 Years Old... in Bangkok

I was expecting my 21^st birthday here in Thailand to be pretty depressing. In addition to the increasing contact from people I’d rather forget about and the lack of the close friends I always spend my birthday with… everything I should be celebrating, I've been doing for the past 5 months here in Thailand. I was ready to forget the day existed and go to my four classes without mention of it.

Stupid me, I forgot to take it off my facebook.

Monday night I moved into my new apartment (which is, by the way, extremely SWEEET… so you should all come visit me) and after forgetting my backpack (that had my glasses in it) and Michael left, I was feeling a bit lonely. Chiho isn’t moving in until the 19^th-20^th so I’m roommate-less. I sat there eating cup of noodle and watching Sex in the City.

Luckily for me, Diego called and asked if I wanted to join Carolina and Aerin for dinner at the barbeque/grill buffet place.

Coline was the first to wish me Happy Birthday. She texted me when she boarded her plane back to Paris.

“Happy Birthday Monica! I just got in the plane and miss Thailand already… See you soon!”

I like how she said, “See you soon!” As if she wasn’t going back to Paris to graduate and apply to graduate school while I’m back here in Bangkok. No more May Kaidees for vegetarian food every Wednesday. No more catching up and bitching about classes and planning trips for the weekends while sipping on mango shakes, as I pick at her tofu pieces, and we both laugh at how she STILL does not know how to use chopsticks.

I love the French and I love Coline. We’re going to meet up in New York City. Maybe she won’t go to grad school in Paris… maybe we’ll both end up in NYC. It’s half way.

Anyway, we finished dinner right at midnight and they wished me a happy birthday… Before going back home, we bought some huge beers and went to Diego’s to watch Borat. We felt incredibly “ghetto.” The four of us, each drinking our 40s of cheap Thai beer while watching an incredibly politically incorrect film.

Already, the birthday was off to a good start.

Class was great. I like. I think I’m only going to have class Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. WHOO HOO! And I’ve realized, I’m better off taking classes taught by Thai professors. They’re the cream of the crop as opposed to the American/British professors who are mostly just expaths who teach here because they don’t want to be in the states. For example, my Cold War professor, who was a conservative American, from last semester was still working on his PhD dissertation while my Economy and Society professor, who is a Thai woman, has two Bachelor’s Degrees from USC, three Masters Degrees, and one PhD.

For dinner, I made reservations for 15 people at Cabbages and Condoms. The most politically correct birthday dinner I’ve ever had. Cabbages and Condoms is a restaurant that is part of a non-profit who promotes family planning and HIV/AIDs awareness. It was really good and I had to up the reservation from 15 to 25 because all of a sudden, I realized all the international students heard about it and came. After that we went to Bed Supper Club… my favorite.

All in all, it was good. It’s definitely not spending it with Angela in Vegas or the usual dinner I had with Felix… but I think that’s a good thing. Especially because I’m running out of anti-depressants and I don’t want to ask Malisa to send me some more. Maybe it’s time I REALLY try to ween myself off of them.

Long Live the King

As the new semester winds up to full swing, meeting all the new exchange students, taking them around, and sharing all their “firsts” makes me really excited and a bit nostalgic.

The other day, Michael and I watched a movie with Diego. His first movie in Thailand and, yes, we had to stand up for the King’s song.

I remember the first time I watched a movie in Thailand. Standing up for the King’s song was the first time I really felt like I was in Thailand. Its lame but I still get kind teary. HA. I guess I’m turning more Thai.

The overall massive love for the King is something I still have yet to get used to though. Yellow shirts on Mondays. Stopping everything you’re doing to stand at 8am and 6pm during the National Anthem. Standing up in silence before every movie for the King’s song and little slideshow. Yellow flags EVERYWHERE.

I don’t know.

[December 18, 2007 @ Twin Peaks Cafe in Yangshuo, China] reflections on Xishuabanna

"I fantacize about how it would feel to return to where I belong.
A place where everyone speaks my language, looks like me,
and shraes the same history."

I’m sitting here with a stuffy nose cipping on ginger tea.

I just finished reading First They Killed my Father. I can’t help but draw parallels with the stories I’ve heard from mom and dad. Not only that but it makes me wonder how much more similar their stories coincides with her story. This trip and the book has raised even more questions I have for my parents. It makes me want to ask and talk to my grandmother and more to my mom.

I wonder if how Luong had to leave Chou was how my mom felt when she left her twin brother, Na Tham. I wonder how it felt for her to leave him when she was 16 and not see him again until she turned 35… nineteen years without seeing your twin brother, whom you shared an entire womb with for 9 months.

I wonder if I would have been able to survive if I was bron through the war times. If I could live off rats and bugs. If I could stop being a vegetarian. If I could live with lice in my hair.

It makes me actually want to have children just so I could stay up with them and tell them stories about our family, our wondrous, glorious family of fighters and survivors… just the way my dad did with me.

It makes mw want to write things down, hurry up finish school, come back to Xishuanbanna to learn how to write and read in Tai Lue. Bring mom and dad so I could listen to them talk and reminisce with the family about old times. Its great how my great aunts talk about my dad when he was two years old… but I wonder how it would be to listen to them talk to HIM about when he was two years old…

I want mom to come. I want her to sit next to Na Tham. I want to compare their faces. The way their eyes both wrinkle up when they smile. I want to line all mom’s siblings up together and take a picture of them. My mom and my uncle in the United States. The one uncle in Laos. And the two uncles in China.

I want to come here with grandma. I want her to take me to where she was born. Where both her parents passed away when she was eleven. Where she has to raise her younger siblings alone. Where at the age of eleven, she became a mother up until now where she still is a mother and grandmother.

I want to bring Malisa and James. I want to show them the way to all these wonderful places. I want our relatives to see all of us all together. Malisa, born in some refugee camp in Thailand. James, born in some city in Minnesota where my parents were first sponsored to. Me, born in San Diego where my parents ended up settling in.

I want our relatives to laugh at how American we are like how we’d laught at how Chinese our other cousins are. I want them to come and see what mom and dad went through so I wouldn’t look like the only crazy child obsessed with the family history that mom never wants to talk about… grandma cries when thinking about… and dad is so proud of.

Yesterday Nir asked me if I could visit anywhere in the world, where would it be. For the past twenty (almost twenty-one) years, that one place has been Xishuanbanna. And last week I did it and it was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

"Thai People Are Sexy"

I was on my computer this morning watching more Sex and the City and doing my usual rounds. You know, gmail, Microsoft outlook, myspace, facebook, yada yada.

I went on facebook and stumbled across the “Thai People Are Sexy” group. The description was this wonderfully long description about how great the country is and how you don’t meet so many Thai people because they only leave their country because of education. Of course, this implies that they are so happy with their country that they love to stay there. In reality, they just seem like sneaky people who have avoided any kind of conflict by giving away other people’s homes, who are weaker than them and trying to befriend everyone and their mama’s who is more powerful.

But that’s another blog entry… or one of the many rants I’ve gone through.

Anyway, what I thought was amazing was this little paragraph at the end of the description. It was kind of a message to the group or to the public:

W E L C O M E |||| ยินดีต้อนรับ
~~~ We've hit the 300 mark ~~~
Sawasdee Krub you sexy Thais. A big thank you goes to my Sexy Recruiters. This group just went from 0-150+ members in 3 days. Due to the volume of non-Thai (and therefore, non-sexy) people joining this group, it will now be closed. Membership will be given through invitation and membership request only. Sorry that it has to be this way but I belive in quality and not quantity :) Keep sexy everyone. Kob Khun mak mak for your cooperation.

I found it to be perfectly Thai. To have closed membership. To be exclusive in order to survive. I don’t know. There are a few things that I don’t understand that pertains to this facebook group.

First, the world’s fascination with the appearances of Thai people, which has led to many good and bad things… like making Thailand one of the biggest tourism spots in the world AND the biggest sex tourism spot in the world.

But maybe more importantly, second, who in the world decided to tell Thai people that this was how they felt. I think this message to the public by the facebook group might be a product of this second phenomenon.

... and besides. SHIT. If Thai people were so damn sexy, why have I not checked out a single Thai male (or Asian male for that matter) in the past five months. fuuuuck. Have I turned into one of those stereotypical Asian women who will end up dating only western men. AHH. maybe being Thailand has made me increasingly like Thai women here in Thailand. Great.

western food & western restaurants

I could successfully (or sadly) say that I’ve had western food all day today, which I know is extremely horrible seeing that I live in Thailand and Thai food is, well, amazing.

For breakfast, I had muesli with fruit and yogurt. For lunch, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And for dinner, I had a grilled cheese and ham sandwich (without the ham) and french fries.

While most people still view Bangkok as this exotic place with a rich culture that is very different from the west, in many ways its not. Just my day’s of food alone is proof that it is extremely easy to say very western in this Southeast Asian country.

This leads me to think that maybe that’s why there are so many foreigners who love Thailand so much. They come here with the initial intentions of experiencing something new and they do. Then they start to miss home. Then they start to just make Thailand like what they were trying to escape in the first place.

It’s really a vicious cycle, as is everything else in this world.

I guess that’s how Thailand began to have such large western pockets in Bangkok with all the great restaurants, movie theatres, shopping centers, etc… and what’s best is that it’s cheaper. It becomes like living in the west, but cheaper.

I was talking to Kevin about how living in Bangkok has actually probably raised my standard of living. Not in the economical sense, but in all the comforts. I guess it all balances out with all the other experiences that I’ve encountered traveling to other places like China, Laos, Vietnam, and Cambodia where I had to “rough it out” a little more.

But all in all. It’s going to suck to go back to states and spend way too much money on clothes that isn’t hand sewn, fresh and organic fruit, homemade yogurt, etc. etc.

"do you have any rooms?"

i totally just remembered this happening in Koh Phangan on New Years Eve morning.

so kevin and i were sitting in some restaurant/guesthouse having breakfast and waiting for our snorkel trip to take off and there were hell backpackers just arriving in Koh Phangan just for the day/night to party for new years eve.

then all of a sudden these two western men came in and started talking in slow english and also using their hands to communicate, "do you have any rooms available?"

i snapped back at them, "uhh, i dont work here."

it reminds me of that time that stupid american interrupted mine and samanthas conversation at the pier to ask us why we were speaking to each other in english. first, he assumed we were thai. second, he assumed thai people HAD to talk to each other in thai. third, he would have never assumed we were americans.

being here in thailand, i've come to the conclusion that although, most of the time i resent that i'm american . . most of the time, i end up becoming very defensive about it. i guess to most people around the world, american is american. there is no such thing as asian-american.

kind of related, in laos . . after kevin told someone he was american, they asked him if he was part african. because OF COURSE . . if you're not white american, the only other immigrants are african-americans.

homeless in bangkok

i used to be really good at this blogging shizz . . back in the days i would blog more than once a day. i blame it on my current housing situation. or non-housing situation. since i've had a whole month off from school, i decided to move out of my apartment and not move into my new apartment until school starts again. since my ass has been moving around so much and only staying in bangkok a total of about three or four days . . i could save hella money instead of paying almost double rent -- rent in bangkok & paying for guest houses.

i've come to the conclusion that living out of guest houses in other countries has actually been cheaper than having an apartment here in bangkok which is totally a trip. i mean, in Laos or Cambodia . . i spent about 2 to 3 dollars a night. Here in Bangkok, i will be paying over 300 USD a month . . which is like ten bucks a month. so basically, its completely possible to travel for years and years like those damn europeans and australians.

when kevin and i went down to koh phangan for new years it just reconfirmed what i've experienced throughout my travels . . europeans and australians have some cool mindset where they could just take a year or two off and travel their brains out. whats wrong with americans? why do we stay in our homes and never leave the comforts of the familiar? is it just the way we've been raised? are we just too "focused" on being productive?

even looking at the study abroad patterns, it's obvious that most american college students go to western europe to study abroad. WHY? you pay more than twice as much as southeast asia AND you can't even travel anywhere else. i dont get it. but who knows. i guess it takes some weird characteristic for you to throw yourself in a place like thailand for a semester. someone not scared of squat toilets, malaria, pollution, traffic, cold showers, clothes that way too small for you, being mistaken as a prostitute, and island with barely enough running water to support the local population much less the tourists during high season.