after coming back from UCLA.. i hella just knocked out for like 12 hours.
although i found law fellows really helpful and was really empowered and inspired . . almost immediately after i got back to berkeley, i fell back into my slump of things.
i don't really know whats going on really. i think sometimes i feel unsupported. and then other times i feel like people don't know where i'm coming from or don't understand what i'm going through. and then further more, sometimes i'm feeling all of that at once.
it's pretty selfish of me to be so ME centered. i know people got hella shit going on and that it's unfair for me to hope that folks would step in and really help me out. i don't even know what i need help on. i'm just really ready to be done with all of this.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
thesis
so i've just figured.
it should be hard for me to write this stupid thesis . .
because i've already written 9 other papers on SEA refugees.
it should be hard for me to write this stupid thesis . .
because i've already written 9 other papers on SEA refugees.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
identity & shame
the formation of my identity didn't really occur until i attended SASC-SI.
before then, i was ashamed that my parents had to work 12 hours a day - 7 days a week. i was ashamed my mom and dad didn't speak english. i was ashamed of being buddhist. i was ashamed that i couldn't have friends over at my house. i was ashamed i always had to wear hand me downs.
i was ashamed my parents were refugees from laos.
since the summer of 2003, i have been on a continuous journey to convert all the shame of the first 17 years of my life into pride and into hope.
however, conversations that i've heard recently have somewhat overturned this by telling me that this is invalid. that this is exclusive. that this is wrong.
who am i to say who belongs to a community and who doesn't.
well, when you grew up feeling constantly inadequate, inferior, and never belonging to any community . . i think this is the one time i want to comfortably say, "no, my family and i earned this. This is OUR time to shine." or it was supposed to be.
This was supposed to be the first and only time that my grandmother will look around and not feel crappy for working in a sweatshop in her fifties and sixties. this was supposed to be the first time my parents could say, "yes, we worked in an electronics factory for $3.25/hour and barely speak english . . but put all three of our children through college." this was supposed to be the first time i could show my brother and sister that i grew up to be a mentor to other students just the say they mentored me while growing up.
this was supposed to be.
before then, i was ashamed that my parents had to work 12 hours a day - 7 days a week. i was ashamed my mom and dad didn't speak english. i was ashamed of being buddhist. i was ashamed that i couldn't have friends over at my house. i was ashamed i always had to wear hand me downs.
i was ashamed my parents were refugees from laos.
since the summer of 2003, i have been on a continuous journey to convert all the shame of the first 17 years of my life into pride and into hope.
however, conversations that i've heard recently have somewhat overturned this by telling me that this is invalid. that this is exclusive. that this is wrong.
who am i to say who belongs to a community and who doesn't.
well, when you grew up feeling constantly inadequate, inferior, and never belonging to any community . . i think this is the one time i want to comfortably say, "no, my family and i earned this. This is OUR time to shine." or it was supposed to be.
This was supposed to be the first and only time that my grandmother will look around and not feel crappy for working in a sweatshop in her fifties and sixties. this was supposed to be the first time my parents could say, "yes, we worked in an electronics factory for $3.25/hour and barely speak english . . but put all three of our children through college." this was supposed to be the first time i could show my brother and sister that i grew up to be a mentor to other students just the say they mentored me while growing up.
this was supposed to be.
but it's not going to be.
Monday, March 10, 2008
community
what does the word "community" mean?
what does it mean to be apart of a community?
what does it mean to work, sweat, and sacrifice for a community?
. . only to feel completely excluded from this community six years later.
what does it mean to be apart of a community?
what does it mean to work, sweat, and sacrifice for a community?
. . only to feel completely excluded from this community six years later.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
"Counseling & Psychological Services"
Ever wonder why the mental health sections of clinics or hospitals are always so detached from the rest of building?
I do, all the time.
Seriously. It's like in the tang center, the "Counseling & Psychological Services" department is on the THIRD floor on the way south side; the farthest place possible from the entrance of the aesthetically beautiful teal and brown building. Putting such a sensitive department in such a remote place is problematic in so many ways.
For example, for people with appointments at Counseling and Psychological Services, they have the chance to walk past the other clinics and think about how "normal" they are and how NOT normal you are. To me, this just seems counterproductive.
Also, maybe this is a wacked out assumption, but most people who have appointments in that clinic may not even want to be there much less understand why they're there. Putting the clinic in the farthest place just further reinforces their notion to not go at all.
However, I guess it could be worst. I mean, at least there isn't a completely separate building like an asylum.
I do, all the time.
Seriously. It's like in the tang center, the "Counseling & Psychological Services" department is on the THIRD floor on the way south side; the farthest place possible from the entrance of the aesthetically beautiful teal and brown building. Putting such a sensitive department in such a remote place is problematic in so many ways.
For example, for people with appointments at Counseling and Psychological Services, they have the chance to walk past the other clinics and think about how "normal" they are and how NOT normal you are. To me, this just seems counterproductive.
Also, maybe this is a wacked out assumption, but most people who have appointments in that clinic may not even want to be there much less understand why they're there. Putting the clinic in the farthest place just further reinforces their notion to not go at all.
However, I guess it could be worst. I mean, at least there isn't a completely separate building like an asylum.
Friday, March 7, 2008
twLF & Mental Health
The rally today was really amazing. Often times I feel as if people of color movements are seen as a black, brown, and red struggle.
It was nice to see the inclusion of yellow. particularly, southeast asians.
On a side note. Do you think it's possible that mental health issues like anxiety and depression amongst students of color could be partially caused by the hostile campus environment?
It's gotta be depressing to grow up with a bunch of people of color only to come to campus and realize you're different from all these privileged ass people.
It was nice to see the inclusion of yellow. particularly, southeast asians.
On a side note. Do you think it's possible that mental health issues like anxiety and depression amongst students of color could be partially caused by the hostile campus environment?
It's gotta be depressing to grow up with a bunch of people of color only to come to campus and realize you're different from all these privileged ass people.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
a link between academia and our community?
while i sit here and read articles upon articles about the resettlement of Southeast Asian refugees in different parts of the world . . i can't help but wonder . . how will reading all these articles make anything better for our people?
how is this relevant to making actual change in our communities?
how is this relevant to making actual change in our communities?